I have been married for five years and just recently my husband has been making a few “odd” requests of me. A few months ago he asked me to start talking more dirty with him and occasionally role play with him. I wasn’t sure how to take it, so I asked. He said that he wanted to try something different in the bedroom. I’m just a little scared that he doesn’t want ME in the bedroom, that he wants me to be someone different. Is this just a way for him to envision being with a co-worker without cheating? Am I just being crazy?

- Mary G.

San Deigo, CA

Snapper:
Mary,
Maybe your husband is looking for something new and a little titillating to spice up the sex life? It could just be a temporary sexual quirk of his that will come and go given a little bit of time. If you are concerned about his behavior or you don’t enjoy these “new” requests, I would always recommend discussing this issue with him. Being open minded is one thing, but if you are uncomfortable with this behavior you have to speak your mind. He will understand, or at least you will be able to get your head around why the sudden shift in the bedroom from him.

Just like our food preferences in life; I do feel that peoples tastes/fetishes change even in the bedroom. In my younger days, I used to be very taken by different physical attributes on a woman; but now I am COMPLETELY fixated on a woman’s feet, ankles and toes. I’m so focused on that area of a woman it is like a spotlight hits that region and the rest of the person fades into the background.

But this newly developed fetish my wife can really rally behind because it involves her buying new shoes all the time, getting pedicures, and receiving foot rubs. She also knows how to easily turn my head now.

Batty:

Mary, if you have reason to believe that he is fantasizing about a co-worker, then yes, this is a problem. If the co-worker thing is your own invention, then the issue isn’t about his newfound fetish, is it?

Otherwise, the only problem I see with shifting your sexual gears like this is if you simply don’t like it. Try talking dirty with him. Does it turn you on? If so, you guys just “spiced up your sex life”! Congratulations!

If the dirty talk and role-play turn you off, then you need to talk to your husband and discuss either a compromise (slightly dirty talk?) or discuss the fact that it simply isn’t for you. The important thing is that you try.

My girlfriend once asked me in the midst of passion, “Wouldn’t it be great if I had a ball gag in my mouth right now, and I was tied down so you could have your way with me?” That really isn’t my thing. Knowing full well that we owned no such tools, I simply played along and told her what she wanted to hear at the moment. To be honest, gagging her would be a real turn off for me. But the idea for her was really turning her on, so why put the breaks on great sex?

After three dates, we knew our “relationship” was ready to go “to the next level”. After many drinks we head back to my place, and after a heavy make out session we were naked. Then, during the insertion stage, she said something that shook my foundations, “Are you in yet?” For the record, yes YES I was completely in!!!!

I know I’m not the nerdy version of John Holmes, but what can I do about this problem? I’m completely frozen on what to do with this woman, moving forward with the relationship, because I’m afraid of what might be thought about my lil elvis.
thoughts?!?”
- Neil O. Muskogee, OK

Snapper:
My first impulse is to tell you to stand up, tie your tablet pc to your manhood and have the weight of the gadget lengthen lil elvis; but I am ONLY joking (even though I have thought about doing those type of things too….lol).

It certainly does seem like an uneasy situation to be in. Some men go overboard by using pee-wee like a tiny jackhammer on his partner or just completely waiting till all the lights are off before “the reveal”. You can always compensate with your tongue or fingers too, psst I think most women would rather have a great kisser than a big dong on their man. I would say put away those silly thoughts; if a woman is into you for YOU she will find every part wonderful. I have seen smaller “snug” fit “small condoms” available too if you are running into spilling out problems with normal sized condoms.

But if you care about Molly R. enough you should just chalk her outburst up to one too many drinkies and progress from there.

Batty:

“Lil Elvis”? “Pee-Wee”? It took me a while to realize that you guys are talking about small penises with all of your code words.

“It’s not the size of the boat, it’s the motion of the ocean.” “It’s not the size of the organ, it’s the music you play with it.” Does anyone really believe these little adages? We all know that having a decent size penis is better than having a small one. It doesn’t give you extra privileges or an excuse to be lazy between the sheets, it’s just better.

So what can you do about it? If you’re a hardcore geek, you’ve already looked into enlargement possibilities of the interwebs and found that the options are either controversial (jelqing? clamping? ouch) or risky (pills, pumping, injecting). Until that magic penis potion is invented, you’re just going to have to compensate.

Snapper hit it on the head with the tongue and fingers… errr… Maybe I should rephrase that. Oral and manual stimulation are both great ways to please your partner. Dr. Ruth said it best back when I was a teenager, and truer words were never spoken: If you master foreplay, it doesn’t matter how small you are.

And let’s not forget – geeks are just better in the sack. Why? In the immortal words of Lewis Skolnick, “Jocks only think about sports, nerds only think about sex.”

Here’s some links to some books that might help: